words, words, words

i don't even know what to say.  i cannot come up with anything original to blog about right now because my brain is going in so many different directions so the bulk of this blog is going to just be a sort of poem, sort of narrative, sort of creative writing piece that i wrote in may of 2009, however i believe that it does a pretty good job of summing up how i feel right now.  thats something that i love about writing.  i love that i can write something and completely forget about it and then look at it some time later and its exactly what i need to read.  its like my past self is writing to my future self.  does that make sense?  well whatever,  without furthur ado, here is a piece i call "no words":

I have no words to decribe what is going on inside my head.

I feel happy, joyous, FREE, gay, FIERCE, sad, Down, uP, right, wrong, wonderful, STRONG, empowered...

I have no words.

A staggering weight has been lifted from my weary shoulders and is now carried by others more willing. I do not evny them.

I have no words.

My heart is speckled with a thousand tiny pinholes, each one making it more and more weak until its integrity crumbles, and I am broken.

I have no words.

My mind knows a person on the precipice of despair, but the mirror shows a bright smile with a pair of sparkling eyes to match. Who should I believe?

I have no words.

The steel chains that held me are no more; they are long forgotten and destroyed. No longer am I held by responsibility. No. No, I am not.

And still, I have no words.

At the end of the day, I have heard more words than I could ever process, more than I would ever need to say, more than I should ever want to say. Yet, at the time when I need them most, at the time when I cannot hold it in even a second longer...

I have no words

sooo yeah.  i've had an interesting weekend and its not even over yet.  i will not go into the details but lets just say that i cut a few cords this saturday and the backlash hurt, but it was necessary.  i have the best friends ever though and, along with the musical stylings of Taylor Rae Stearns, i got through this saturday without to much damage.  if you have never heard of Taylor i highly recommend listening to her music.  i went to high school with her and she's an amazing young woman of god and she has been blessed with great musical talent.  go check out her website by clicking that link on her name :)

anyway, that's all for now.  it's sunday, and everyone knows that sundays are perfect days for thrifting, so that's what im gonna do.  goodbye for now, my loves!