words, words, words

i don't even know what to say.  i cannot come up with anything original to blog about right now because my brain is going in so many different directions so the bulk of this blog is going to just be a sort of poem, sort of narrative, sort of creative writing piece that i wrote in may of 2009, however i believe that it does a pretty good job of summing up how i feel right now.  thats something that i love about writing.  i love that i can write something and completely forget about it and then look at it some time later and its exactly what i need to read.  its like my past self is writing to my future self.  does that make sense?  well whatever,  without furthur ado, here is a piece i call "no words":

I have no words to decribe what is going on inside my head.

I feel happy, joyous, FREE, gay, FIERCE, sad, Down, uP, right, wrong, wonderful, STRONG, empowered...

I have no words.

A staggering weight has been lifted from my weary shoulders and is now carried by others more willing. I do not evny them.

I have no words.

My heart is speckled with a thousand tiny pinholes, each one making it more and more weak until its integrity crumbles, and I am broken.

I have no words.

My mind knows a person on the precipice of despair, but the mirror shows a bright smile with a pair of sparkling eyes to match. Who should I believe?

I have no words.

The steel chains that held me are no more; they are long forgotten and destroyed. No longer am I held by responsibility. No. No, I am not.

And still, I have no words.

At the end of the day, I have heard more words than I could ever process, more than I would ever need to say, more than I should ever want to say. Yet, at the time when I need them most, at the time when I cannot hold it in even a second longer...

I have no words

sooo yeah.  i've had an interesting weekend and its not even over yet.  i will not go into the details but lets just say that i cut a few cords this saturday and the backlash hurt, but it was necessary.  i have the best friends ever though and, along with the musical stylings of Taylor Rae Stearns, i got through this saturday without to much damage.  if you have never heard of Taylor i highly recommend listening to her music.  i went to high school with her and she's an amazing young woman of god and she has been blessed with great musical talent.  go check out her website by clicking that link on her name :)

anyway, that's all for now.  it's sunday, and everyone knows that sundays are perfect days for thrifting, so that's what im gonna do.  goodbye for now, my loves!

don't be a hotel

i've been thinking a lot recently about a quote that i got from a sermon last week in church.  our pastor has been preaching a sermon series about authority and what the bible has to say about it.  part of that was discussing some attitudes toward government and politics that people have that are wrong and there was one that really caught my attention.

"Making people comfortable here for an eternity in hell is an empty, ignorant exercise." - Pastor Matt Chandler

so what does that mean?  well in the context of the sermon it meant that as christians we should not worry so much about offending people by being evangelical.  he spoke of how some people get uncomfortable when christians try to evangelize or when or when religion makes it into the mix in conversations.  its just a subject that people shy away from.  nobody wants to tell anyone else that they are wrong or that they will go to hell someday, and on the other end, no one wants to be told that they are wrong or that they are going to hell.  but in the long run, isn't eternity in heaven with our father worth a few moments of embarrassment or heated conversation?

i think so.  as christians we are not called to be full service hotels who cater to everyone's needs.  now, dont get me wrong!!!  i am by NO means saying that we are not called to serve.  in fact, serving has become so important to me lately and i so desire to be the hands and feet of christ.  however, i am not here to protect egos.  i am here to spread the truth, even if it hurts sometimes.

please pray for me as i continue to grow in my efforts to be evangelical on campus.  i go to such a "dark" school and it can be hard to reach out and offer the truth to those who have no interest in receiving it.  also, please pray for a new house church that my friend drew is heading up on campus.  this one is in one of the major dorms so we have the potential to reach so many students, which i love!

and speaking of things i love, i love you too!  bye!

i'm like a bicycle

i'm just two tired.  haha!  get it?  cause "two" sounds like "too"!  haha...well i cannot take full credit for that one.  logan gave it to me in rap form the other day but i feel like it definitely applies to how im currently feeling.  i could really use a nap and maybe a pint of ice cream.  that would do it.

anyway, the reason for my tiredness is yet another epic weekend.  i had the pleasure of enjoying the company of the same 4 or 5 people for the entire weekend and it was great spending time with them, however i do not advise staying up until 3 every night.  not good.  fun comes with a price and for me that price happens to be exhaustion.

now, before you go getting upset with me for staying up into the wee hours of the morning i feel that it's necessary for you to know that i have a rather bad case of long term insomnia.  for as long as i can remember my body has seemed to think that its better to sleep at 3 in the afternoon instead of 10 or 11 at night, so i end up lying awake until 2 or 3 and then crashing the next afternoon.  that can't be healthy but the only way i can think to fix it is to start taking sleeping pills and i have been reluctant to do so thus far because i don't want to become dependent on them.  oh, what a vicious cycle is this!

that is all for now.  this blog was so interesting, i know, but i felt like writing, so take what i give you and don't complain!  if you see a zombie walking around campus or you get a random text that doesn't make any sense, please just politely direct me to the nearest bed that i can sink into and sleep for 5 years.  goodnight...or whatever.

mcdonald's, anyone?

you can be sure that my answer to that question will invariably be "heck no, techno!".  i am not a fan of mcdonald's.  like at all.  i think it looks gross, it smells gross, and the product is just gross in general.  i've felt this way for quite some time and my opinion of that horrid place was only intensified when i watched "Super Size Me" in health my senior year of high school.

it really does surprise me that people still put that kind of junk in their bodies after all the research and findings that have been put out there for everyone to see!  i've been having this argument quite a bit lately with some friends.  they say that they eat there for convenience and because its cheap.  well i would rather spend more money now to be healthy than spend substantially more money to have plaque and cholesterol scraped from my arteries when i'm 70.  i would also prefer to decompose when i die like the rest of the natural world instead of being being preserved in a waxy layer of all that poop that they put in their meals.

coincidentally, there was an article in yahoo news recently that deals with the very subject of the decomposition, or lack thereof, of mcdonald's food.  i suggest reading it, or at least looking at the pictures. 

McDonald's Happy Meal resists decomposition for six months

yum?  no, i didn't think so.

mondays with margaret

margaret atwood, that is.  first off, let me just say that i feel very sorry for all of you unfortunate souls who have yet to read any of atwood's work.  she is my favorite author and a literary genius.  i am currently reading my 9th book by atwood titled Moral Disorder and, as expected, i'm loving every word.  i'm only a couple chapters in but its amazing already.  between readings i forget how awesome her writing is, so when i pick the book back up im always flabbergasted. 

anyway, that was my plug for atwood.  if you've read anything by her i would love to discuss it with you!  i love hearing other people's opinions about her work. 

in other news, i loved getting to spend time with my parents and joel with weekend.  it was family weekend at school and i greatly enjoyed having them here.  i also loved that they brought me cupcakes from a cupcake shop from home that i really love :)

i also got 2 new pairs of glasses this weekend.  i haven't had glasses for a whole year because i lost mine on a plane to london last august, so my eyes have been living in dry conditions under unforgiving contacts for a year.  i love my new pairs and i love that i got them at a bogo sale at eyemasters!  yay for sales!  that is all.

our raps are tighter than our pants...

...they're sweeter than sugar, honey we're attracting ants!  i've recently discovered the joys of rap battling.  i never thought that i'd find myself in a situation where i would need to rap to prove my superiority over my very good friend, Logan, but over the past week i've needed to do this on more than one occasion.  i've gotta say, i like it and i dominate over him every time!  just kidding!  he got me into it and i'm slowly but surely gaining some epic rap skills.  the feeling is great when you spit out a totally sick rhyme and its got all this word play and metaphor!  so when you think about it, i have now attained kickboxing skills and rapping skills, which pretty much makes me a gangsta.  i'm a straight up G!!!  haha jk jk :)  im way too preppy for that!

so i mentioned a few posts ago that i had started tutoring people in statistics.  here's the thing about that.  tutoring requires time, energy, motivation, and willingness to do work...and thats just for the tutee (is that the right word? maybe "pupil" would be better?).  i have to have all of those items and attributes plus people skills, initiative and the actual knowledge.  this is becoming a full time job that i have yet to be paid for.  not. good.  i want to be paid but i don't know how to ask for it cause i never mentioned it in the first place and i hate to invoke a rule like that now.  maybe i just need to man up and demand payment.  can't there just be a happy medium?!  ahhhh!  i guess the good thing about tutoring is that it forces me to also know what is going on in class so i learn the material and i am constantly practicing while im teaching others.  this means consistant 100s on homeworks and tests.  win for team hannah!

anyway thats all i have for now.  its family weekend on campus and my parental units are coming to visit me!  yay!  im excited to see them and i know we're gonna have fun.  the consequence of that is that i have to do all my homework now, on a beautiful friday afternoon, so that i can spend time with them.  no fun, no fun.  bye.

"it's wednesday, so we're going to do some kicking and punching!"

i love me some turbo kickboxing!  i went last night with a couple of my friends.  we love the girl who teaches the class cause she's so fun and she says the most quotable things! haha she's also from the czech republic so her accent just makes it so much better.  i always leave the class literally dripping in sweat and out of breath, but it's really fun and i always feel good about myself after...maybe thats why i ate a bag of cookies and some pretzels when i got back to my room tonight.  let's just say that i was making up for all the calories i lost during the class ;)

the weather has been absolutely gorgeous up here over the last couple weeks.  the sky has been clear, the air is always nice and brisk and the birds sing...well i don't know about birds singing but i know that i love spending time outside.  i've even ventured out with some friends a couple times to do homework at our favorite spot on campus...

we love sitting by this arch in the shade of the trees, just listening to the water in the fountain.  its so nice at this spot in the afternoon and its perfect for doing homework.  i can even use my laptop cause the campus internet bandwidth reaches this spot!  chicka chicka yeah!

well thats all for now!  later, my lovelies!

Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."