oasis

i love writing.  blogs, short stories, poems, comments on facebook; you name it, i'll write it.  i almost always have some piece that i'm working on.  the following is a...well, i don't really know what you would call it, but it's just a reflection of some feelings i was meditating on in april. 

i think the idea was prompted by the fact that i had been on a water binge and had been drinking buckets and buckets of water everyday, but i still felt so thirsty all the time.  i had also been really dry (ironic, no?) in my relationship with God during that time and i desperately needed an oasis, both for my physical body and for my spirit.  the Lord in his mercy showed himself to me in a way that slapped me in the face!  duh!  the LORD is my oasis, forever and always.  God is so cool in the way that he uses the seemingly insignificant events in my life to reveal more of his character to me.  i love that!  so, without furthur ado...oasis:

where is my oasis?  certainly not in water.  there is darkness even in the shallowest of waters.  depth only increases the darkness that begins directly below the surface.  sometimes it feels safer to just keep my distance.  but sometimes i get thirsty.  like really, really thirsty.  so thirsty that i forget about the danger.  i drink and i drink and i drink but i can never quench the horrible thirst.  endless glasses of water meet my lips to no avail.  in a sea of dryness water is supposed to be a cool oasis, but it isn't always for me.  instead of quenching my thirst and providing sanctuary, it becomes the ocean i drown in; an unforgiving prison, devoid of air and comfort.  this elixir of life can make life hell.  one wrong move and i could easily be sputtering and struggling for breath.  it baffles me to think that the substance that keeps me living and breathing could also just as easily take away that life and breath.

so where is my oasis?  certainly not in air.  the air is fickle as a child.  ever changing, ever moving, never sitting still.  it's relentless blowing whips the world at its whim.  there can be no peace when air is around.  there can be no relief.  even my deepest of breaths cannot provide strength.  the wind carries with it the secrets of each town it blows through, each lonely cry, each shameful event.  there is no escape from the air.

so where is my oasis?  certainly not in people.  people let you down.  people are imperfect. people ruin beautiful things.  it is at the hands of many people that nations crumble and innocent are left for dead.  the meek are trampled by the prideful, the gentle are overpowered by the rough.  i will most definitely not find my oasis in people.

so where is my oasis?  certainly, in my Lord.  his people are made perfect in his image and their deepest stains are washed as white as snow.  his breath of life fills my lungs.  his fountain provides sustaining water, water that will becomes in me a spring welling up to eternal life.  he fills me so that i overflow.  the Lord is certainly my oasis.

sloppy wet kisses

play this song as you're reading!

i think it's probably pretty safe to assume that when most people imagine a perfect kiss it isn't sloppy and wet.  it doesn't leave them wiping the residual slobber and germs from their mouths.  it's probably a little more neat; more respectful and thoughtful.  the perfect kiss leaves you loving the kisser even more than before.


well what about a kiss from a baby?  those kisses certainly aren't neat and clean.  they are uncontrolled, sloppy, and usually pretty wet.  the baby who has just learned to kiss isn't concerned with form or technique, but that kiss, the only way they know to express love, is still so beautiful and perfect.


our lives are nowhere close to neat and tidy.  i know that my live is a testament to that.  we stumble and fall over our own shortcomings and we let ourselves be led down the wrong path.  but you wanna know what's great about that?  God loves us anyway.  he chooses to meet us where we are in our lives.  his heavenly kingdom meets our world with such reckeless abandon.  he so greatly desires to be intimately involved in the lives of his children.  how awesome is that?!


so why do we care so much about keeping up these appearances?!  so often i see others, and most often myself, faking my faith, and not only so others will think i'm great, but so God will think i'm great too.  that's about the stupidest thing i could do.  who the corn do i think i am?!  he knows every inch of my being.  he sees my greatest faults.  he knows the darkest parts of my heart.  how could i fake who i am to him?

 
this blog is a culmination of thoughts that i've been meditating on for a while that came together perfectly when i heard this song in church this morning.  i've know and loved this song for quite some time, but i felt a definite pull of the spirit today that prompted all this.  i also know that the original lyrics for this song in the bridge do not say "when heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss" they actually say "sloppy wet kiss".  i'm not so much interested in the reasons behind why the lyrics were changed, although if you are you can read this blog post by the songwriter.  i'm more interested in how beautiful and pure that thought is.  how great is it that despite how aweful and sinful our world is, heaven and earth can still meet in a wonderful, albeit sloppy, way that brings us redemption.  i'd take a million heartfelt, pure, genuine sloppy wet kisses over one "perfect" kiss any day!  bring em on!

"i want to be the first dog!"

ohhhhhh summer staff training.  i had no idea what i was getting myself into when i took this job, but i can confidently say that i love, love, love being here.  i've been busy out of my mind learnin' thangs and filling out forms and printing endless amounts of pages and going on scavenger hunts in georgia, but i wouldn't trade this experience or the people i've met for the world.  the spirit of God is so alive in everyone here and i know that he'll be doing awesome things through us this summer!

i've been priiiiiiiiiiitty diligent about taking a photo (or 2 or 5) a day so ill just post those and then talk about each one.  i'm thinking that this is how my blogs will be this summer with the occasional supplemental blog here and there.

may 27, 2011 - this was my room the night before i left for training.  messy, messy, messy!

may 28, 2011 - waiting to board the plane from dallas, tx to atlanta, ga!!!

may 29, 2011 - our team building activity was world changer's version of "the amazing race", which basically amounted to a huge scavenger hunt around our area of georgia.  my lovely music leader, candace, had to persuade some people who were tubing this river to let her sit in their tube and get a picture of it.  she's a good sport!

i also think it's important to let you know that the first challenge in our amazing race was to shoot a bow and arrow at a target.  you had to hit the target within 5 tries or your team had 10 minutes added to their total time.  i was the archer that day and i got a bull's eye after 2 shots that completely missed the target.  i didn't get a picture of it, but i promise that it happened.  the arrow was like a centimeter from the center!

may 30, 2011 - monday was packing day for all of our projects in the world changers warehouse.  it took us from 8 in the morning until around 4 in the afternoon the get everything packed.  i made the mistake of wearing jeans that day.  needless to say, it was hot.

may 31, 2011 - we packed medical supplies and did driving school that day.  i was on a team of people packing band aids for each individual first aid kit for the summer.  thats close to 500 first aid kits.  lots and lots and lots of counting.  lots and lots and lots of band aids.

the picture below is of my team leader/av, matt.  he was in the middle of explaining how he used to pretend that the salt and pepper shakers were a bride and groom.  how cute!

oh, and driving school?  i was hack awesome.  we learned how to pull a trailer behind an expedition.  before this week i had never had to pull anything behind a vehicle, and i had never driven anything bigger than a small truck.  i'm pretty pro at both now.  too bad i'm considered a "secondary driver" cause of my age.

june 1, 2011 - wednesday was the lovely jillian's 22nd birthday!  she's also and office manager and we all had cake (decorated with pink and yellow frosting, of course) and homemade cookies and cream ice cream.  y.u.m.  she's been such a great friend and blessing to me while i've been here!  i couldn't have asked for a sweeter person to help me through this time of training!

june 2, 2011 - some of the real work began that day.  we learned about our central information system and how to use it. we also had some "homework" to complete.  it was tough and a little overwhelming, but i got through it and i think i'm gonna be fine!  most of the work isn't that hard, it's just time consuming or tedious.  nbd.

i also got my official staff badge!!!  i was so excited to get it!  too bad i look like a 12 year old boy in the picture!

june 3, 2011 - friday gets 3 pictures!  the first is of some of the office managers playing catch phrase during one of our breaks.  we play lots of games, but catch phrase is definitely the favorite and we all get so competetive!

candace and i did laundry that day!  this is us in the teeny tiny little laundry room in the dorm.  the washer i was sitting on would visibly shake.  i was a little afraid it would esssplode...it didn't.

and the last is a picture of the "north pole girls".  aren't we cute?!  jillian, in the red, and caroline, in the grey, were 2 of my summer staffers for the north pole, alaska trip that i went on last summer.  they are both so sweet!



well thats all of the pictures that i have for now.  hope you enjoyed them!

planes, trains, and automobiles

here's the thing.  i'm kind of in georgia.  not the country, but the state.  i know, awesome right?!  i can't believe that we're already getting started!  i know i'm in for the summer of a lifetime.

today wasn't all peaches and cream, though.  i'm only here sitting in my bed at good ole' truett mcconnell college after approximately 6 hours of traveling by way of planes, trains and automobiles (yes, all 3, and some in multiples), lugging luggage (what else do you do with luggage?) equivalent to the weight of the average 9th grade girl, a low caloric intake for the day, a trip to walmart, and a very, very cold shower.  but the Lord is still worthy of praise and i just see today as my initiation.  i gotta toughen up somehow!  might as well get it all in in one day.

that's all i have to report for now.  this was short, but don't judge me.  it's been a long day, friends!  i'll keep this updated as best as i can throughout the summer!  thank you to all of those who are praying for me and who have me in your thoughts.  those prayers are definitely needed and appreciated as i act as a servant of the Lord this summer.  love y'all! 

 

 

 

goodness, i'm gonna miss texas!

night thoughts

i recommend playing the video in the background while you read.  the images aren't important, i only care about the song right now :)

hello, and welcome to my brain at 3:17 a.m.  yes, mama, i know i should be in bed but i made the mistake of drinking coffee and beginning to clean and pack.  dangerous combination.  the thing is that once i start on a "project" it's very hard for me to stop.  why stop when i'm on a roll, right?  right. 

even though i'm "cleaning", my room is currently in a state of disarray, which is definitely not how i am accustomed to keeping it.  it's usually almost spotless, or at least tidy, and there's no way i'm gonna be able to sleep with the room lookin all jank so i have to continue to clean, organize, and pack until i can find a suitable stopping point.  woe is me, but we all have our burdens to bare, i suppose.

i don't mind though.  i'm usually most productive in the wee hours of the morning.  i do a lot of cleaning, organizing, folding, and working at that time.  also, here's a little tidbit of info for ya - about 80% of the blogs that i post were written pretty late the night before they were actually posted.  i also do some of my best thinking and creating late at night.  in the words of catherine o'hara:

"night time is really the best time to work.  all the ideas are there to be yours because everyone else is asleep."

wise woman.  so basically i'm just a night owl in every sense of the word.  this is fine with me except for the fact that the rest of the world runs on a very different internal clock than i do.  so either i need to change my schedule, or the rest of the world should overhaul theirs...i prefer the latter, but the former is more likely to actually happen.  i'll keep you updated on how that works out.

since we're discussing the night already, i think it's important to note that i only have 2 (well by now it's closer to 1 1/2) more nights at school until i go home.  it's a bitter sweet feeling.  nights on campus are very different from nights at home, and i like it.  being here has made me notice a few things, one is that birds don't necessarily notice the night.  i have heard birds singing and chirping away on more than one occasion in the early hours of the morning.  it's almost as if they're blind.  they don't care that the sun isn't out or that there are no people around.  they sing their song regardless.  paul mccartney knew what he was talking about.

anyway, i better get back to doing my thang.  i'm already behind schedule.  goodnight!

7 moe

WARNING!!!!!  This blog contains a fair amount of philosophical reminiscence.  Continue at your own risk.

holy shamoly i have a week left of my freshman year of college.  qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm!!!111!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!  this has been an interesting year, to say the least.  probably one of the most interesting of my life, and although i (mostly my parents.  thank you, mama and daddy!) have given so much to be here (somewhere close to 20 grand) i think i can safely say that i'm walking away with something of much greater value.  but that's what college is all about right?

this year has taught me so much about what it means to be a person in this world; what it means to live among other people who may or may not share my view or opinions; what it means to love others unconditionally; what it means to accept when i'm wrong and to forgive others when they are; what it means to take care of myself, both physically and emotionally; what it means to accept love and grace when it's given instead of pushing it away; what it means to live for my God...oh yeah!  and i learned some things in class too.  whatevs

E'how (shout out to my daniels girls), i would not change my freshman year for anything.  i'll take the good and the bad all mixed together on my plate.  it's okay with me that i injured or put myself in danger on more than one occasion.  remember when i cut my foot open and got in a car crash?.

or when i did this at work?

i'm so happy that i did really well in my government classes both semesters cause i was horr-i-ble at government in high school.  i love that i landed 2 jobs within a few weeks of each other.  it's fine that i went through a few rough patches with friends, it's only made me respect and love them more.  it's really cool that i've made deep connections with people who i've known on the surface for many many years but never saw clearly until now.  the snowpocalypse in february that kept us out of school for 6 days was such a cool time (ha! litrally!) i love that God has taken hold of my heart and is fiercely unwilling to let it go!

and i love that i started this blog which i intend to continue.  i love writing, both in blog form and in a creative sense.  it's so fun to go back to those old pieces of writing and remember what was happening in my life at the time.  someone's writing style can tell you a lot about them...so what has my writing told you about me?  don't answer that.  or at least not in comment form.  i don't want the world to think that you think i'm stupid based on what i write.  that's not cool, yo.

i know that my life is not the most interesting one, and for the life of me i don't know why you people read these posts, but it doesn't have to be.  i'm content with the life God is leading me through, so long as he stays by my side.

i have 7.  moe.  days.  just 7, and i can only hope that the last 7 are as meaningful as the first...ehhhh roughly 180-200 were :)

really, round rockers, read right...now

i ran out of "r" words!  sooooo as you may have heard, i was in a wreck this easter weekend.  how wonderful.  i will man up and claim that it was my fault, but the other driver wasn't too smart either.

because i know that not all of my readers know exactly where this is, i've created some pictures so that everyone may better understand what happened.  i think they're pretty good, so don't judge.

so to start off, i was home for easter weekend.  i had spent time with my brother and parents the night before and earlier that day and i had plans to see one of my best friends, the always lovely hans lee.  we made plans long ago to make this completely epic cookie recipe that produced oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies.  yum x 10.  i drove to her house, picked her up and we were on our way to HEB in no time (for those of you not familiar with HEB, i'm sorry.  you're missing out on a great grocery store.  HEB > kroger > randalls > albertsons > brookshires and so on).

after a short time in HEB we made our purchases and headed out to the car.  now what you must understand about this particular HEB is that it's on a road in round rock called 620.  it's a VERY busy 5 lane road and it's pretty much impossible to turn left onto it.  knowing this full well i said to hannah:

me: should i go to the light or just try to turn left here?

hannah:  you can probably go here.

me:  i bet i can.  i can do all things through christ who gives me strength.

what a horrible mis-use of scripture.  i pulled out into the lane to wait for a chance to go, as can be seen in image #1.  after a moment or two i noticed that to my left there were about 4 cars in a row had their right turn signals on and there were no cars coming from the right.  i could totally make this turn. (i'm the goldish car, b t dubs).

image #1

well, ya see that little blue and white car down at the bottom?  he wasn't ok with all these turn signals.  if he stayed in the lane he would have had to slow down.  so he did what most people do in this situation and he began his switch into the next lane about the same time i pulled onto the street.

image #2

this is when bad things started happening.  he saw me.  i saw him.  but it was too late.  the crash was inevitable at this point.

image #3

the next thing i knew, the front end of my car slammed into his front right side.  both mine and hannah's air bags deployed quicker than i could even let out a scream.

image #4

it all happened so fast.  there was very little time to react.  he was trying to avoid me, i was trying to get around him, neither of us were successful.  oh bother.  i can tell you right now, though, i've never been more happy to hear my name than when hannah started saying it over and over again in panic.  hearing it told me that she was ok enough to speak, and i was ok enough to hear it.  the Lord had his hand over us in a situation where we both could have been road kill.

after that it was all paperwork, EMS, police, tow trucks and clean up.  standard post wreck stuff.  as far as i know, no one in the other car was hurt, hannah walked away with a bruised knee, and i sustained some pretty nasty burns on my chest and left forearm from the airbag. 

beautiful, right? haha

like i said, God is so gracious.  he obviously thought it better to leave us on earth than to take us home.  he's clearly not done with us and has plans for us here on earth.  what a savior!  and especially on easter weekend.  he saved me in more ways than one!  i know without a doubt that my God loves me.  he is my comfort and my shelter and my gracious savior!

so here are a few lessons to take with you:

1. never, ever try to turn left from the HEB on 620 (i'm talking to you, round rockers.  don't do it.)

2. airbag burns suck, a lot.  don't want them?  don't get in wrecks caused by stupid judgement errors!

3. God is awesome and so worthy of praise!  even if the situation had been worse, this would still be my feeling on the matter.  his will is perfect!

 "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - romans 8:28

i can't wait to see the full extent of what God has planned for this event!  i can't say what that is at the moment, but i know that he'll be glorified by it!